


3...2...1...

by MusicalOblivion



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester Has Panic Attacks, Dean has anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, No Smut, Panic Attacks, Season/Series 07 Spoilers, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 06:01:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13874673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicalOblivion/pseuds/MusicalOblivion
Summary: Dean Winchester has been through too much. One night, it finally comes crashing down and breaks him. Fortunately, Dean has one very caring brother. No wincest, just a whole lot of fluff:)





	3...2...1...

**Author's Note:**

> (WARNING: SPOILERS FOR ALL EPISODES BEFORE SEASON 8)
> 
> Hello all! This is my first fic, so please be nice! I thought of the idea for this a while ago. The boys have been through so much; it has to be very hard on them. I actually came up with the general plot and writing style for this fanfic during a minor panic attack, so this will either be a work of art or complete trash. Please comment, I'd love some suggestions for what to write next! Enjoy!
> 
> (NOTE: I am in no way trying to romanticize mental illness by writing this. In fact, this is quite the opposite. I am simply writing based on my own experiences in an attempt to raise awareness or even help someone else who is struggling. If you truly need assistance, the suicide hotline phone number is 1-800-273-8255.)

**~DEAN~**

 

3...

The thing he remembered most of all was the fear. The emotion of the past that would later shape his future. After all, fear was the last thing on his mother's mind before he never saw her again.

But he wasn't afraid now. Was he?

 

2...

The thing he remembered most of all was the agony. Pure, concentrated agony mingled with deep regret in the smoky wasteland. He could practically smell the torment. And even though his stay in Hell may have only been months, it had felt like years.

But he wasn't in agony now. Was he?

 

1...

The thing he remembered most of all was the hopelessness. When he had first entered Purgatory, he had truly believed that he could escape. But that belief had left when Cas did. And even though he would continue to try to escape, somewhere in the back of his mind lingered the crushing truth that there was nothing he could do. There was no light at the end of the tunnel this time. 

But he wasn't hopeless now. Was he? 

 

Yes, he was. He was afraid. He was in agony. He was hopeless. His life was just a chain of losses and tragedies so horrible that he wouldn't even wish it upon someone like Crowley. But enough was enough. 

 

0.

He felt like someone was pushing on his chest. No matter what he tried, he couldn't take in enough oxygen. Little black spots danced across his vision. He abruptly stood up and walked to the motel room door, ignoring his brother Sam's confusion. He walked out and stepped into the Impala, sinking into the familiar leather of the driver's seat. Tears filled his eyes and he began to shake.

Dean Winchester had snapped. 

 

**~SAM~**

 

3...

Sam never knew his mother. She died when he was just a baby. But the way Dean reacted whenever someone said her name was enough for Sam to understand how much he missed her. But somewhere in the back of his mind, he blamed himself for Mary and Jess' deaths. 

But now wasn't the time for blame. 

 

2...

Sam never knew what really happened to Dean in Hell. He refused to talk about it, which Sam respected. Anything that could create something like a demon had to be bad. But while Sam always respected his brother's privacy, he still worried that Dean would never be the same again.

But now wasn't the time for worry. 

 

1...

Sam never knew what Purgatory was really like. When Dean had first returned, Sam had made an effort encouraging him to talk about his experiences. Dean, of course, refused. Needless to say, Sam was angry about how secretive his brother had become. 

But now wasn't the time for anger. 

 

No. Sam cast aside his guilt. His worry. His anger. Dean needed him. 

 

0.

Sam threw open the motel door and scanned the empty parking lot. His concerned expression softened when he saw Dean sitting in the Impala. Sam ran over to the driver's side door, not even bothering to put on shoes or a coat. He tugged on the door handle. The sight in front of Sam shocked him. 

Dean sat with his head in his hands, shivering. Quiet sobs rang through the interior of the car. Sitting on the dashboard was a faded picture of Mary and John. John was smiling at Mary, who was laughing. A baby dean lay asleep in the arms of his mother.

Sam had never seen Dean so vulnerable before. He hated "chick flick moments," and never hesitated to remind others of that if they got too intimate. For Sam to see his older brother in shambles like this... it was terrifying. 

 

**~DEAN~**

 

Dean felt a firm hand on his shoulder and immediately recognized it as Sam's. He was embarrassed to be seen like this, especially by his younger brother, but he was too lost in panic to care. All of his most difficult moments were set on replay in his mind.

He saw his mother on the ceiling. He watched as the light left her eyes. He saw the burning fires of Hell. He struggled against his chains when Alistair entered his cell, carrying a box of blades and flashing an evil grin. He saw the forest of Purgatory. It was cold. Not the type of cold that makes you shiver, the type of cold that makes you feel vulnerable and unprotected. 

He heard someone scream. Maybe it was him. Dean would have stayed like that forever if Sam's voice hadn't snapped him back to reality.

"Dean, it's okay. I'm here," Sam reassured him.

"N-n-no.." Dean stuttered.

"Yes," replied Sam. "Here, give me your hands." 

Dean reluctantly held out his shaking hands. Sam took them and rested them gently on Baby's steering wheel.

"See? You are not in Hell. You are not in Purgatory. You are in the car, in a motel parking lot in Thoma, Wisconsin. With me. It's okay, Dean. 

"It's...it's...okay," Dean repeated.

"Yes, it's okay. We'll get through this together."

"...Together."

 

1...

Dean remembered Purgatory. Just the very thought of it made him feel hopeless... vulnerable.

But it would be okay. 

 

2...

Dean remembered Hell. The agony. The scars that would never, ever disappear. Not just on his body, but on his mind. 

But it would be okay. 

 

3...

Dean remembered his mom's death. It was the day that changed his life forever. At the time, it was almost to much for his little heart to bear. 

But it would be okay.

 

**~SAM~**

 

Sam watched as Dean's breathing steadied. After what felt like hours, Dean sighed and stood up shakily. He looked up and locked eyes with his brother. Sam looked at Dean's tear-streaked face and pulled him into a hug. He could still feel his brother shaking like a leaf under his grasp. Dean had been through enough to kill a man, and yet he was still standing here, more or less in one piece. Panic attacks or no, Sam still looked up to his older brother. 

Sam loosened his grip on Dean and stepped away.

"Let's go inside," he said, grinning. "I bought pie."

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please comment, should I add another chapter about what happened to Dean? Or maybe a similar thing happening to Sam? Or maybe just a story to write next? (I don't write Wincest.) Let me know. I hope you liked it!


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